Insomniac
by Cradlerobber Speedo-kun
Summary: This story is a little odd, as it is being written off of my own emotions. I seriously think the story is suitable for anyone who is 11 or older, or a mature kid. I don't know how to really write a review for it... Warning: Immense questioning of sanity b
1. Prologue

AN: I know I said I wouldn't start anymore series, but, well, I am, so deal with it. I was working on 'Pink Hair and Lost Thoughts' but I'm feeling awfully tempermental and completely at unrest with myself, and decided to pour it all out of myself and into a story I wrote (since I am not very good at letting my feelings show and I consider myself antisocial) so here goes.   
  
If you read my story 'DigiDestined Documentary!' then you know who Speedo-chan is. She's the main character in this story, and it really doesn't involve Digimon and shinkaing (digivolving), and she has a Digimon, but she's halfway between a digidestined, and not being one... I don't know. She is one, but she isn't... that's the only way I can really explain it. And this is a totally a different perspective of her; it's very much the opposite view of her you get in DigiDestined Documentary! and I like it.   
  
Warning: I'm running purely on emotions, so the story may differ vastly from chapter to chapter. But that's what makes it interesting. That and the fact that it's being entirley put out by my emotions.   
  
Note: When anyone is thinking it's in '...' and whenever someone is having an internal argument there thoughts are in '...' and the opposing thoughts are in `...` Sorry for the confusion, but my HTML knowledge is rather poor. Also, it start's out in POV form, and switches throughout the story from narrator to POV, but no matter what, it's always Speedo-chan in the POV. And in POV form, thoughts are expressed without the happy little 's and `s around them. I don't mean to be confusing, so I apologize if I am.   
  
  
  
Insomniac   
  
by Sailor Chibi Saturn aka Speedo-chan   
  
  
  
Am I going insane?   
  
No, I'm not.   
  
I just think too much. I'm an insomniac, I can't go to sleep at night so I think until I fall asleep, and then the next day all those thoughts are crawling about my mind, and on top of that I'm overtired, so I seem insane. But I'm not. If there is anything I'm not, it's not insane.   
  
Of course, those who are insane would deny insanity, so maybe I am.   
  
I don't know anymore. I am drifting in and out of reality, but the more it happens, the more I drift out of reality and into something else that I'm not quite sure of what it is, where it is, or why I'm there.   
  
Maybe I am insane.   
  
How would I know?


	2. Chapter One: Questioning Our Own Grip

AN: sorry for cutting off abruptly there, peeps, bu I thought it suddenley was a superb place to end. I feel so un-optimistic, still, so don't expect there to be a vast difference between this chapter and the last. The last was more of a prologue, tho.   
  
Also, I forgot to metnion that this takes place 3 more years after 02, so Hikari, Takeru and Daisuke are all 14 and just starting junior high. And I kinda revered Speedo-chan's age from the last fic... She's still 15.   
  
  
  
Insomniac   
  
By Sailor Chibi Saturn aka Speedo   
  
  
  
"Speedo-chan! Speedo-chan!" I heard a frantic yelling behind me and turned around slowly. Slowly. That's how everything was for me right now. Slow.   
  
It was Hikari. Hikari! What bright child! Well, no longer a child, really. A teenager. But is that the point? No.   
  
`See! There you go again! Overanalyzing!`   
  
I'm not overanalyzing. Just stating the fact. And no, I'm not insane.   
  
`Insanity is always denied.`   
  
So?   
  
`You wouldn't admit it if you were.`   
  
Maybe I am insane. I am having an argument with a part of me that doesn't even exist!   
  
`Told you so.`   
  
"Speedo-chan?" I realized then that Hikari was practically in my face, and probably had been for about 2 minutes while I was spacing out and having arguments with myself.   
  
"Oh! Gomen nasai! I was thinking... Ah, but do I really need to? I think enough when I can't fall asleep. How's the junior high?" Hikari had given me an odd look, but it quickly vanished, "Oh, it's ok. I do miss the old school. Iori-kun isn't in our school anymore, obviously. It's too bad... But I'm sure that you'll be happy to know I'm doing well in Science. All that tutoring you gave me last year really helped."   
  
I was listening. Sort of. But my mind was also somewhere else....   
  
"Well, I'm glad it did... Well, I should be going... I have bunch of homework. Sometimes I wish I was with the rest of the 15 year olds! Alas, but it'll pay later on in life to have started earlier than most of the kids, will it not?" I shook my head, "So sorry, I'm branching into another unrelated coversation again. I really do need to go. Bye, Hikari-chan!"   
  
I turned and began walking at a steady pace away. I think that I seemed normal enough, but who am I to judge that? Those who think they are acting normal usually aren't.   
  
`Especially those who are insane.`   
  
Shut up.   
  
`I'll never shut up, and I'll always be here to argue and second guess you.`   
  
Argh.... I think too much.   
  
`You're insane.`   
  
Good bye....   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Hikari watched Speedo's form fade into the distance, "I don't know... Maybe Onii-san was right. She is acting a little odd." She shook her head, "But it's not the first time! Onii-san is just being paranoid..." She smiled, thinking back on other memories, ones where Speedo WAS acting weird, but no one seems to notice much.   
  
She turned to go the other way, forgetting about her brother and Speedo for the time being, "Hmm... I wonder how Takeru is? I wish he would ask me out on a date. But perhaps I should just ask myself!" She smiled even more, being a teenager was affecting her more than it was any of the other DigiDestined, and she was even worse than Miyako when it came to liking boys now.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"Hi, Muma..." I murmured as I passed through my door and continued on to my room. "Hello, Speedo. A friend of your's called, I think it may have been Jyou-kun, judging by the fact that he's about the only one of them that actually has good phone manners. Besides that young Iori-kun, that is. He's a sweet boy... I'd talk more, but I need to finish writing this paper for school, and I imagine you have homework too, and since you have baseball practice tonight, you should proabably start."   
  
I merely nodded, and mh-hmm'ed a reply, walking into my room and locking the door behind me. Dad will be back at 5, and will proabably cook dinner. Muma is a college teacher and working on getting her PhD, so she's home a lot. Dad's an agent for some group, but I'm really not supposed to say that.   
  
`There you go again! Off thinking as if someone is hearing it or reading your thoughts somewhere! Insanity, insanity, insanity...`   
  
What's insanity is that you even bother me, you baka.   
  
`OO! Baka1 I'm so upset! I think I'll go off and cry to my daddy.... boo-hoo...`   
  
We do have the same attitudes, you know.   
  
`Huh...?`   
  
Never mind...   
  
`Insanity.... insanity I tell ya! Hai! Asu Desu Yo!`   
  
'Yes It's Morning!' ? That's a good song!   
  
`It's about a person getting up, eating two sunny-side up eggs, then going out for a drive and seeing a cactus out the window, then saying something about something piercing the tire, and it being a cactus spike, but still driving on, then something about being in a tunnel that was a pillow and that it was someone's dream! That's odd... Insane!`   
  
.......   
  
`Can't answer, can you? Admit it already! You are insane! Why else would I be arguing with you?`   
  
I don't know. I don't care. I have homework!   
  
`Insanity, insanity, insanity....`   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
It was a meeting. Of sorts. It wasn't meant to be a meeting, it just turned out to be one. Yamato had just happened to be over at Taichi's, and Hikari had invited Miyako and Sora over, and, well, it had turned into a meeting.   
  
But not over problems in the Digital World as was the usual for them.   
  
"....I guess she WAS acting kind of odd, but not incredibly odd. Not odder than I've seen her behave!" Hikari was leaning against the glass sliding door, gazing out it from time to time.   
  
"Hikari-chan.... I think... well, never mind. Haven't you noticed how much she spaces out? And remember how Iori was out walking on the bridge and she was muttering all that junk about drifting between reality and unreality and about teetering on the edge? I have to say, that is a bit much for even Speedo-chan."   
  
"Yeah, but even if there IS something wrong," Yamato gave a hard look at Hikari when he added emphasis to the is, "what exactly could we do? I mean we are her friends, but she is a bit distant depsite this. And she doesn't listen to anyone anyway."   
  
"I know this a really random thing, but I'm feeling a bit, urr, cramped. And your parents will be home soon, won't they Hikari-chan? Taichi-san?" Miyako looked from each of them, to the other, "How about going to the park?" Seeing the looks of the others, "Well, I don't know! I just feel like I need to walk somewhere. And it's the time of year that no one would be in the park really... November doesn't exactly have delightful weather..."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
Baseball practice was over, but I had told my Mum that I would be home a little later because I needed to get something from my friend, Chiharu's house. I was actually leaning against the gating that runs along the edge of one of the main rivers in Tokyo.   
  
Some people would think that I would contemplate suicide in a serious way if they knew what I thought. While I have thought about it, I'd never do it.   
  
`Who say's you wouldn't? Insanity is a car that'll drive anywhere.`   
  
I have before stood on a ledge above the ocean thinking about how easy it would be to throw myself off and just die, and looked out a second floor window and thought of how easy it would be to end my life by leaning too far out of it. But it would be a dishonor to my family, and highly unmoral to my life. I was given a life and am blessed with it, so I should live it.   
  
`You are ignoring me, aren't you? Oh well.... insanity helps ignore things!`   
  
People will eventually discover what's wrong with me. I'm teetering on the edge of reality, that's all. But it IS my own fault; my own fault for thinking way too much. Maybe then I'll be fine...   
  
`Why don't you just tell someone you trust that you are slowly going insane?`   
  
The river looks very nice tonight. It's cold out, but it is a crisp and clear night, and I don't mind the cold, so I think it's nice.   
  
`How about quickly?`   
  
I should get going soon, so I don't miss the last bus to the subway... And so Muma doesn't get worried....   
  
`Insanity, insanity, insanity....`   
  
I am a little tired, but then again, it's not like I will fall asleep when I get into bed.   
  
AN: Just a lil' curious here. Do you people think Speedo is insane, or that she thinks too much like she claims? Or maybe you think it's something else enitrely! I would like to know, so if you review (you better) just tell me what you think. Thanks.


	3. Chapter Two: Go Take a Swim

AN: Just because I'm writing a story about someone who may or may not be insane, does not mean that I myself am going insane. Just thought I should say that because a friend of mine read it and said it sounded like I, myself, was going insane. Umm... yeah... urgh... just read....   
  
Also, this starts out in POV form, but with Sora, not Speedo! Oh, and I kinda upped her age by a year realizing that if she was 15, she'd be Miyako's age, and I wanted her older. Yeah.   
  
  
Insomniac   
  
By Sailor Chibi Saturn aka Speedo   
  
  
  
Miyako's idea had seemed a bit weird at first, but I think we all would have agreed that it wasn't that bad of an idea once we were out there.   
  
As for what I thought of what was up with Speedo right now, I think that she needs to be talked to and questioned about what is up. It might just be a phase as a result of being a teenager, who knows? I know that I sometimes felt a bit unsteady when I was a teenager. I don't consider myself one anymore, really.   
  
We walked in silence through the park, eventually coming to the river, but someone else was there. I could see Hikari smile in recognition. My god, did she smile over everything?   
  
"Konnichi wa, Speedo-chan." She said in her regular voice. But obviously Speedo had been deep in thought and not processing all of what was around her, because she jumped in suprise, and lost her balance, teetering over the edge of the railing and falling into the river. I heard Miyako gasp in suprise, then rush forward, along with the rest of us, "Speedo-chan!"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
I was falling. Falling into the river. Who had said konnichi wa? I don't know... I don't care that much, either. All I care about is the fact that I'm falling. Falling into the river.   
  
I can hear a voice shouting my name. Sounds like Miyako's voice, but I cannot be sure...   
  
And I've hit the water, now, so I cannot hear anything either. And I can feel myself going deeper, and deeper into this dark, icy river. I can swim well. I'm on a swim team. But I don't swim.... I just let myself go down further and further... But why?   
  
`You are insane. You were wrong about not contemplating suicide seriously! You are thinking seriously about it now, otherwise you would have started to swim up a long time ago!`   
  
This is not the time to be arguing with you.   
  
`Insanity....`   
  
Shut up.   
  
`Insanity, insanity, insanity....`   
  
I sigh. Well, I sigh as best as I can underwater. What an irritating thing to have to listen to all the time! I'd swim up, but... I don't know. I'm so cold now.   
  
`Swim!`   
  
I thought you thought I was insane?   
  
`I do, but....`   
  
If I die, you'll be gone... I won't have to listen to you ever again....   
  
`Shimatta! Just swim!`   
  
What if I don't want to?   
  
`You should. You were right about having too much to live for...`   
  
So I'm not completely insane, am I?!   
  
`Ok! Ok! ok! You're right! You win! Just swim!`   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"Oh my Kami-sama! Speedo-chan!" Hikari began to try to climb over the bar, but her brother stopped, "Hikari-chan, you knowyou can't swim well, and those waters are freezing at this time of year!"   
  
"So? It's my fault she fell! Maybe you guys were right... maybe she does need to be talked too... I've never seen her, or anyone for that matter, be suprised by a simple konnichi wa in a regular voice!"   
  
"She has been down for a while now... I hope she's okay..."   
  
But just then, there was another disturbance in the water and she surfaced again, coughing. Swimming to a nearby ladder (AN: They tend to have ladders on river edges in cities. Believe me, I live in the city right next to the capital of my states.) and climbed up it, shakily. After climbing over the gate she let herself fall to her knees on the sidewalk, "It's so cold..." She murmured, closing her eyes and breathing the equally chilly air.   
  
"Speedo-chan, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to surpise you! Do you want us to walk you home? Or maybe call a cab? How about..." Hikari was cut off by Sora stepping forward, "Speedo-chan... we do need to talk."   
  
But Speedo shook her head, "No.... not now... so cold... I have to get home..." She got up abruptly and turned, running away, leaving all to stare after her.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"Speedo-chan, you're all wet!" My father's concersns sliced up my current thoughts. "Yes... I know. I ran into someone, but they kinda suprised me and I fell in the river. I'm going to go change." I brushed past him, and went into my room, locking the door behind me and getting out my pajamas to change into.   
  
After changing I flopped down onto my bed, remembering what Sora had said. Have they figured it out?   
  
`Figured out what? That you are going insane?`   
  
I thought you said you'd leave me alone.   
  
`It 'twas only temporary.`   
  
Sigh. Maybe it's better if they do know... Who knows? That river sure was cold...   
  
`Maybe if you hadn't let yourself sink so deep into it, it wouldn't have been so cold.`   
  
Jyou called, didn't he? Maybe I should call him back... But then again, what's the point? It is kinda late anyway.   
  
`Antisocilaity leads to insanity...`   
  
I'd probably be better off insane. I'm glad vacation will be here soon.   
  
`....Better off insane?! What kind of thought is that?!`   
  
Maybe you are the insane one. Or maybe we both are. You are a lot like me, so if I'm insane, you probably are too. Especially since you are a part of me...   
  
`Nani?`   
  
Except, with you, you pretend not to understand what I mean. I don't do that. I'm a good liar, but I don't like it.   
  
`.....`   
  
And now you can't answer, can you?   
  
Suddenley the light flickers out, distracting me from my little argument with myself. I let out another sigh. Another power outage; they've been happening quite a lot lately. I get under my covers of my bed and close my eyes. It's late anyway, so who cares? I'll just try to go to sleep...   
  
`And lie awake thinking for a long time.`   
  
Good night.   
  
`Insanity, insanity, insanity....`


	4. Chapter Three: A Trip on the Ice

AN: Inasnity, insanity, insanity.....   
  
  
Insomniac   
  
By Sailor Chibi Saturn aka Speedo   
  
  
I roll over and out of bed. And smash my face in in the process. I sit up, rubbing my nose, and notice that my light didn't turn back on overnight. Still a black out? I guess so. But radios don't use electricity, they use batteries, so I flipped it on. But it won't go on, so I turn it over and glare at the back... someone took the batteries! Oh well...   
  
`Well, good morning to you too.`   
  
Go away.   
  
`No thanks.`   
  
I stand up and stagger out of my room. Funny... no one else is up.. What time is it anyway? The clock says.... 8:56! It's so late! Where are Muma and Daddy?   
  
`Uhh... baka, there's a note over there...`   
  
Oh...   
  
I walk over to pick it up. It's obviously a note from myparents. They're over at my grandmother's to make sure she's ok. The power outage hasn't ended, so there's no school... oh, and they're sory they took the batteries from my radio.   
  
I thought I had locked the door behind me?   
  
`Maybe I unlocked it.`   
  
And you say I'm insane...   
  
I switched on the radio, and popped in a CD. Soon enough 'Where Did the Dream Go?' the opening song to 'Shin Tenchi!' was playing. What a depressing song... About someone not knowing where anyone is, and the one they loved went away and no one noticed...   
  
I shake my head, some memories trying to shove themselves into my thoughts. I don't want those.   
  
`Insanity, insanity, insanity....`   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
A breeze blew in the virtually deserted park. Leaves scuttled across the ground. Besides that, the city was deathly silent. The whole power was out, so everyone was either still asleep or just staying in. There wasn't much else to do when you were used to having so many choices of things to do.   
  
I kept walking. Maybe I'll go back to the river where I had my unexpected swim yesterday.   
  
`More like unexpected bursh with death....`   
  
What a nagging voice! Couldn't it mind it's own business?   
  
`Your life is my business, duh! I'm part of you, so it is...`   
  
I don't care. Get lost...   
  
`How can I get lost when I'll always be within you? It's impossible...`   
  
Aww, shut up...   
  
I saw two people sitting on a bench. Under what was a beautiful cherryblossom tree just a couple months ago, but what was now a skeleton bending in the wind. I think I recognize them...   
  
`They're your friends, so I'd hope you would recognize them!`   
  
Hmm, I must be hearing voices...   
  
`Hey! No fair! Oh, wait1 Another sign of insanity!`   
  
Iori and Ken... wonder why they're out. Or together for that matter. They are better friends, but... well, I don't know. Maybe they are good friends. I haven't really been focusing on anything lately.   
  
Hey, didn't Miyako say something to me about them? I think she did.... it was something she was upset about, but I don't remember now. I wasn't listening to her at the time, anyway. Well, I don't really listen to anyone anymore.   
  
I rounded the twist in the sidewalk, about to say something to them, but I dropped my bento box in sheer suprise. Ken pulled away from the lip-lock he had just been in with Iori and stared at me. Iori, who had already been quite a bright shade of red, was redder than a strawberry now.   
  
"G...gomen nasai..." I said quickly, dropping to my knees to grab my bento box, then I got up and fled. Just running, running, running... away from the two of them. I'm not sure where I was going, but I stopped, seeing the ice skating pond in front of me. It's a man-made pond, so it's not too deep and already frozen.   
  
I edge out to the pond. No one else is around. I put one foot on the ice, carefully in case it really isn't frozen. It's frozen enough. Enough for me, at least. So I step out onto it. I used to take figure skating, but I'm not very good; it was long ago, I quite when I was 8, I think. Yeah 8. So that was 8 years ago.   
  
But it doesn't matter to me how nice I look while skating. I slide across the ice in my wooden shoes, smiling and sliding along. And now I'm laughing! For the first time in weeks! I keep falling, and I laugh harder everytime I fall, so now I fall even more from laughing so hard.   
  
But I suddenley noticed a person standing on the edge as I fell once more and my laughter halted immediatley, realizing how foolish I must have looked laughing a falling all over the ice. I blinked at whoever it was from my sitting position, feeling even sillier and flushing in embarassment.   
  
I stood up and dusted ice dust off of my pants and started to slide towards the edge of the pond. I then realized it was Iori watching me a flushed anymore. I felt so embarassed, especially after what I had just seen what Ken was doing to him.   
  
I must look like a goof.... I'm probably red from the cold, laughing and embarassment! He probably thinks I'm insane...   
  
`Finally! You are admitting that you seem insane! It'll go into you admitting that you are, so maybe there is hope.`   
  
Oh, just go away. I have other things to do...   
  
`Why do even care what he thinks?`   
  
I am older, and I should be a better role-model!   
  
`He doesn't need a role model. He's mature enough as it is.`   
  
Yeah, I guess you're right.   
  
`....eh?`   
  
Didn't expect that, did you?   
  
I then slipped and fell forward, bashing my face on the concrete edge. I sat up once more, rubbing my now sore head and feeling even more embarassed and foolish.   
  
"Konnichi wa... Speedo-san." He spoke slowly. "Don't call me Speedo-san. Everyone is equal, so unless I call you Iori-san, just call me Speedo-chan." He nodded solemnly.   
  
"Uhh... and sorry about my, uhh, err, walking by earlier. I didn't mean to bother either of you..." Maybe I am insane. What I saw didn't even bother me much, it just seemed kind of... I don't know, normal?   
  
He shook his head, "It's okay. You didn't make that much of a deal out of it." He's a lot like me in some ways. Too calm in un-calm times.   
  
"Well, it just didn't bother me. Nothing does anymore..."I let myself flop into a sitting position on the ice and stare at the sky for a minute. Iori sits down on the edge of the concrete edge next to me. We sat in silence for a couple of moments, just us looking at the sky in a dead city. But he shattered the silence.   
  
"You won't tell anyone, will you?" He suddenley looked awfully frightened, probably scared of what society would do to him if people knew. I shook my head, "No, I'd neverdo that. It would be mean, especially if you like Ken-chan, too. And if you do... well, I think that's kawaii. And if you ever need to talk to someone, you can talk to me.." I feel kinda funny, usually it's people telling me that I can talk to them, not the other way around. But he reminds me of me when I was that age. Well, minus the part about being confused about my sexual orientation. I knew I liked boys, and that was it. But I don't like boys anymore. Not saying I like girls, mind you. I'm just totally uninterested in falling in love, getting married, having children, or any of that stuff.   
  
He blinks at me, smiling, "You can talk to me about anything, too." I think he understands what I'm thinking. I let out s light sigh, "You are a lot smarter and more in tune to things than my classmates are, I'll tell you that! Hey, I'm getting kinda cold, since the ice is beginning to melt under me, so how about we go to my house and warm up? And I'll make some hot chocolate too." I winked after my last line. He nods, and smiles again.   
  
Maybe I'm not teetering on the edge of insanity as much as my inner whatever it is thinks I am. Who knows?   
  
`Insanity, insanity, insanity....`   
  
  
  
AN: I'm announcing a contest, ppl. The prize? Uhh... haven'y thought of it yet, but I'll probably write you into a story. How does that sound? Oh, but you probably want to know what the hell the contest is, huh? Well, anyway, the contest is this: Write a Kenyako or Kenori fic (altho, I'd prefer Kenori since there aren't too many of those....) and keep it to a PG-13, since I won't even read yours if it is over PG-13, and don't say the 'F' word, since I really despise it. Thanx. If you do answer, drop me a line @: squashed_arachnid@hotmail.com otherwise I won't know you wrote one for the contest!!!


End file.
